Are you too needy?

It’s a strange paradox. We all want to be needed, yet most of us tend to shy away from emotionally needy people. Why is that? For many, it’s a matter of time and energy. They don’t have enough of either to satisfy the emotional void of needy people.

Are you too scarce?

Where do you spend your free time? If you’re at home watching TV every weekend or in the studying, you really can’t except to be a hot item on the dating circuit.” Out of sight, out of mind” is a credo you should think about. If you’re not making yourself visible where people of both sexes hang out and interact, you’re limiting your possibilities. You may have to get over your shyness and start spending sometime in such “see and be seen” environments as the mail and school functions.

An important future goal

If you or the person you’re dating has a major event in the future that you’re anticipating and planning for, you may want to hold off on getting serious. We’re talking about anything from a short-term overseas opportunity to plans to attend a service academy. You know the old saying:” if you love something. Set it free…yada, yada, yada.” There will be plenty of time later in life to pursue your romance, if you choose to. Some opportunities never repeat themselves. Don’t give up a potentially life-changing opportunity for a relationship that may last all of two months.

Family problems

This is a major red-flag area. If your parents or the parents of the person you’re considering dating are having marital problems-as in, separation or divorce-put the relationship on the back burner. There are much more important issues for you to work through. The danger of dating in the midst of family upheaval is that the person going through the crisis is going to be looking for anything that will provide some kind of stability. What happens, then, is that an unnaturally intense connection is formed too early in the dating relationship until serious family counseling has been started.

Desperation

If you’re feeling lost, depressed, sad, or especially lonely, one of the first things you may want to do is reach out for someone else-as in a romantic relationship. Unfortunately, one of the last things you should do under those circumstances is starting a romantic relationship. How good are you going to be for someone else if you can’t help yourself? Don’t rush into a relationship thinking it will help you. It won’t. Your first priority should be to find help for yourself, preferably professional or pastoral help. Then, when you’re feeling better, you can start a relationship.

Pressure at school

If you’re in the midst of an academic crunch, the last thing you need is a person in your life to mess up your priorities. It’s hard enough to concentrate on schoolwork under the best conditions. Throw in the daydreaming and inevitable phone calls that go along with a new relationship and you’re just asking for trouble. If you’re facing midterms or final exams, if you’re working on a term paper or special project, or if you’re buckling down to avoid a failing grade, put your romantic pursuits on hold until the pressure at school has been dialed back a bit.

A crazy schedule

Let’s face it; there are times in your life when you’re just plain overbooked. You’ve got ten things all clamoring for your time and attention. You can barely think straight. There’s nothing you can do about the overload except hang on and wait for it to go away. Sometimes-say for instances- if you play in a couple of soccer leagues, the crazy schedule may last months. Sometimes it’s just a matter of days. Either way, it’s no time to be starting a relationship. How flattering is it to say to a would-be date, “I can squeeze you in for half an hour a week from Wednesday”? Just cool the dating until your schedule lightens up.

Should you even be dating right now?

Anytime’s a good time for a relationship, right? Wrong. There are dozens of circumstances and situations that should make you think twice about hooking up. We’ve listed some of these circumstances below. If you or the person you’re considering dating is going through any of these situations, you might want to call a time-out on the relationship until the matter is resolved.

What do you need?

What are you missing in your life? What void needs to be filled? Which of your needs are not being met as a single person? Do you need a source of stability in your life? Do you need someone to center you? Do you need someone to love you? How do you envision another person meeting these needs for you?

Don’t underestimate the role that needs play in a dating relationship. Having needs does not make you a needy person. Everyone has needs. The key to dating is finding someone who will fulfill your needs while at the same time you fulfill his or her needs. When two truly compatible people come together, it’s like a key and a lock-a perfect fit.

Understanding yourself will go a long way toward understanding the dating choices you make, which, in turn, will help you make better dating choices.